Superhero Kitten-Pants: A Poem

Three kittens to save, with only two hands
So he shoved the odd one down his pants.

Down from the tree, there arose a great shout
When the third one peaked its head on out.

The outcry was such, that he nearly died
For it had been in his underwear, right beside--

Though he had not technically broken the law,
He paid a price, for it wasn't declawed. 

So after all the lawsuits and legal fights,
Superheroes now wear only tights.

The Jester's Girlfriend: A Pseudo-Poem

The great burly huntress

had gallantly rescued him 

from thugs trying to steal his beautiful jester-suit.   

By all the laws of chivalry, he now belonged to her.

She told him tender things, 

such as, “I always did love smaller men; 

they’re lighter to lift and easier to discipline.”

She talked about all their strong strapping daughters, 

and wondered aloud if they would have any small and quiet sons.

While she was busy, he saw his chance to run away.

But he didn’t realize that she could track him.

Now, hanging from a snare 

in a tree by his ankle, 

he screams that he is not sorry 

and will never, ever learn his lesson.

(“Easier to discipline…?”)

She cut him down, 

but he couldn’t run away 

when she sat on him.

In the forest there is a sudden slapping sound. 

He stops screaming very abruptly.

She’s still mad at him, 

so she spanks him again and again. 

He can’t say he’s sorry loud enough.

He behaved himself from that day forward. 

Indeed, he was very agreeable. 

And she lived happily ever after…

…And now the jester can’t stop bitching about it.

(But only when she’s not around.)

Oh, yeah, and she also started a blog...