Spank The Jester--Spank Him Hard

Why would I want to call my blog “Spank The Jester?” Because it’s fun; because it’s catchy.

But most of all, because some evil, magical fairy (who is also apparently a pervert) put a

nerd-curse on me and told me it was a good idea. Bastard.

I apologize for the fact that this is not a kinky porn site (not yet—a person can dream, right?).

It’s not even a blog about medieval stuff. (Nerd-curse, remember?) Basically I needed a

dumping ground for my oddball and sometimes depraved mind, and hopefully a little gem of

wisdom slips through now and then. And sadly, no, I am not on drugs—that I know. I think that

Jester is tainting my food…I hope he keeps it up.

So, to get this blog off to a good start, here are thirty-four reasons to Spank The Jester (it is a euphemism, and a thousand points to anyone who can tell me what it is!). As my Mom-mom used to say “I’ll spank the shit out

of you, then spank you for shittin.’” Spank on, Mom-mom. Spank on.

1. Because he’s bad.
2. Because you can.
3. Because it’s fun.
4. You know you want to.
5. He won’t stop laughing at you.
6. He’s creepy.
7. He farts too much.
8. He’s a loser.
9. You’re a loser.
10. He’s better looking than you.
11. He tried to set your cat on fire.
12. He won’t wipe that stupid, dumb grin off his stupid, stupid face.
13. He’s evil.
14. You’re evil.
15. You found crack in his room.
16. You caught him with a clown—it was embarrassing.
17. If you don’t do it, who will?
18. He won’t fight back anyway.
19. You hate him.
20. He eats all your food.
21. He’s smarter than you.
22. You think he’s trying to kill you.
23. He has more friends than you.
24. He can’t run away fast enough.
25. He shrunk your underwear while doing the laundry.
26. You caught him with sixteen clowns, in a car—it was humiliating.
27. He won’t do his chores.
28. He steals your girlfriends—as if there weren’t enough clowns in the world.
29. He gets you in trouble with the law.
30. He breaks your things.
31. He steals your stuff.
32. He’s an arsonist—remember the cat.
33. He plays his heavy metal devil-music too loud.
34. Finally, most important of all, just because he’s there.