Voice Lessons

When I was very small a family friend took me to a speech therapist.  I said “tree” and “seat” instead of “three” and “sheet.” Then in a third-grade play I had one line: “We shop.” The play was stupid anyway, but it was still embarrassing.

Later on I was told that I needed to take voice lessons, that I spoke in a monotone, had impressions of me that were unflattering, etc. I got in trouble at school for humming too loud.

I’ll never sing soprano, and that’s okay. A peacock shouldn’t feel bad for not being a nightingale. Our voice can be used to boost our egos, or to humiliate us. Those who hate their voices hate something about themselves, and probably don’t like their image in the mirror.

You can use your voice for good, or for evil. Heal yourself or hurt yourself. I know what I’ve been guilty of doing, and what I want to do in the future. Here’s how I’m going to try it. People really don’t need to change their voices, they just need to make them work for them.

Invite yourself to speak up. If you could say anything in the world, what would it be? Now you have that freedom. “I just want to say…”

Learn to speak louder and clearer. People should not have to ask “What?” all the time. Yell if you have to, at first. Just be heard the first time.

Read aloud. By yourself, if you’re shy. Comic books and poetry are good. Foreign languages are good too.

Babble like a baby. It’s fun. Stutter on purpose too. Only when you’re by yourself.

Role-play your favorite heroes, just like when you were a kid. I’m a superhero sometimes.

Learn to sing and hum—hum loud. No one will get you in trouble now. Happy people hum. You’ll be happy.

Yell and scream, when no one else is around. If you are frustrated, express it. Throw a tantrum.

Write notes to loved ones and heroes, then imagine saying those things out loud. Everything you’ve ever wanted to say—put it all in there, even if they are dead. Love letters, fan mail, sad or hurt letters, angry letters, all of it. Then send them, if they are loving and honest. Imagine in romantic movies where the heroine is writing a love letter and you hear her voice. Never write a note you wouldn’t say aloud.

Say things aloud as you write them—very slowly.

Record yourself reading something, very slowly. Don’t rush it or you’ll sound nervous.

Imagine yourself as a comedian. Again, don’t rush.

Learn to speak more slowly. It will force you to relax.

Interactive listening. Really listen, and paraphrase in your responses. It will make you feel listened to also.

Don’t interrupt other people.

Speak kindly to yourself. I would say, “Alex, I love you, you’re so good,” etc.

Praise yourself for a good job. “I’m so proud of you. You were so brave today.” Remember to say it out loud.

Hold conversations with yourself. “I want to do this.” “Me too, I agree.”

Look at yourself in the mirror—really gaze lovingly at your reflection. This is not a voice thing, but it will make you more confident.

Have a wide stance. Don’t sit with your legs together. The more room you take up, the more you will relax, the better you will feel. In other words, wear pants.

Hold a note. Tuneless humming or singing. I am reminded of a scene in the Disney movie, “The Little Mermaid,” where the witch steals her voice while she is singing a beautiful, wordless song. “Aaah-aaah-aaah-aaah-aaah-aah, aaah-aaah-aaah-aaah-aaah.” You could also sing “hmmm-hmmm-hmmm-hmmm, hmmm-hmmm-hmmmm.” It’s mindless and relaxing.

Sing before bed for a good night’s sleep. Try to sing a happy song. You need to be well rested if you want more confidence.

Speak your mind, whenever you can. But don’t be mean. And be prudent too, with timing and venue.

Speak up. Ask for what you want. “I would like…” “I want…” “I don’t want to…” “It bothers me when…”

Karaoke. If you have access to a machine. Don’t try to sound perfect. Do it by yourself, if you’re shy. Put your finger in one ear, to hear yourself better.

Practice different accents. Be silly. My favorite is talking like Dracula.

Don’t be apologetic. Don’t sell yourself short. My family has the bad habit of saying stuff like, “I don’t know how good it’s going to be, because I’ve never tried this before.” I’m trying to break that bad habit. When I email James Altucher with an idea, I say “This will make your blog more popular,” not “I think this will make your blog more popular.” Talk confidently, and you will be more confident.

Talk about yourself in the third person. Not when other people are around. They’ll think you’re crazy. Complement yourself in the third person, and the second, and the first, and the zeroth.

Learn to laugh in a way that you like. A lot of us don’t like our own laughs.

Change your voice, if you want. Make it more attractive to you, not to other people. That’s your goal.

Affirmations. “My voice is unique and beautiful. I am loved because of it and because the message I have.”

Praise your body, out loud. “My legs are so beautiful.” “I love the shape of my hands.” You must find something that you like aesthetically.

Praise your good qualities. “I’m so good at…” “I love to…” “I’m sensitive and caring.”

“Anything else you want to add, Alex?”

“Why, yes I do. Ask yourself your own opinion, once in a while.”

Whisper to yourself in the dark. Before drifting off to sleep, talk about the day, talk about tomorrow, be hopeful and optimistic.

Not all may work for you; just pick out the ones you like. Learn to love your own voice, and use it to speak up and further your own goals. Those are really the only voice lessons you need to take.