“Why is Wonder Woman so happy?” I wondered the other day, while trying to stalk her on the internet. “She’s such a feminist.”
Yes, we’ve all heard about the stereotype of the bitter feminist that hates men, and I know some men who can get very upset about it (as if they were forced to date these women, or they were the only ones available). But really, even with all the backwards practices in the world, I think the answer to our problems is not in hating men, but in loving ourselves.
Most feminist theory is just a cop-out against being happy. Yes, I said it. “I can’t have a good life because I’m a woman.” Men don’t have that excuse. They must be short, bald, fat or old instead. But really, even in the dark ages of history (his-story, that’s the root of the word!), there have been women who have had good lives, who have managed to be successful and happy. So why not now, even with all the unfair stuff that goes on?
I am not against feminism. How can I be, if I benefit so much from it? I don’t think women should submit to their husbands or stay home, unless they want to. But why are all these smart, aware women so miserable?
We all have excuses that “prevent” us from having the life we want. We are all handicapped in our own minds. Being a woman shouldn’t be one of them.
I guess what we should really be asking ourselves is “What are my excuses?” Instead of being resentful of nature or of men, our fellow humans (or huwomans), ask, “What are my obstacles really? How can I overcome them?” You will probably find that most obstacles are the ones you set up for yourself. They’re in your own mind, not in the outside circumstances.
What I like to do is think of in what ways I feel slighted personally, not what happened two hundred years ago or what happens in Arab countries. I feel oppressed when a man takes off his shirt and I can’t. Why are my breasts always made sexual, when their function in life is to nourish children? I want to feel the sun on my nipples!
Infantile men make breasts into sexual objects, toys, and women go along with it. If some men can’t handle bare breasts without lust, how is that my fault? Why should I take responsibility for someone else’s faults? “He couldn’t help but rape me, officer, I was wearing a tank top.”
That is the only thing that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, consistently, the male privilege of my father and brother walking around outside or in the house with no shirt.
The important thing, the one thing that will eventually change our circumstances, is voicing the problem aloud. We must complain if anything is to be done—the squeaky wheel getting the grease again. The women’s rights movement began when women started talking to each other about what they thought was injustice. Do you think men thought women wanted to vote, before they said something? Find out what bothers you personally, what you feel is unfair about your outside circumstances, and say something. Voice your concern to other women and especially to men. And remember that happiness is often created from the inside, rather than from how you are treated on the outside.
So, in summary:
1) Create your own happiness—don’t use feminism as an excuse.
2) Find out what bothers you personally, what affects your life, not others’ lives.
3) Speak up about it—but don’t harp on it.
Note to men: A lot of men have oppressed and hurt women, both in the past and foreign countries, and right here in our personal lives. Please understand that it is hard not to think that all men are like this, if this has been our experience.
In one of my short stories, which will be published on Amazon soon (I promise a link), a jester decides that he hates all knights, even as the knight he humiliates thinks that even though other knights have picked on him, he has not. It’s not exactly the jester’s fault; they are both victims, in this case. Please keep that in mind if you are not a chauvinist. Perhaps you will be lucky enough to change a few minds.
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