Brain Damage And How I Read Books

My mother recently asked me why I started books in the middle.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged, “brain damage, I guess.”

Unfortunately for me my condition has not yet been diagnosed. I’ll never give up hope, though. If you would like to better understand my pain, please try the following methods.

Fiction:

Remember that a good fiction story grabs you with the first sentence, and is not only well written, but easy to read. Classic novels are not very popular, not because their stories are poor, but because their language is too formal and flowery. A casual style does not mean that it is not descriptive, thrilling or intelligently written. Besides, don’t you have enough brain drain without trying to prove how smart you are?

Also pay attention to attention span. What makes an excellent, sparkling short story often makes a terrible novel, or at least a mundane one. Keep it short and sweet, so the newness of it does not wear off. Anything more than two hundred pages, I can’t handle—at least not without shortcuts.

Yes, shortcuts—take a nice sharp pair of scissors, and if your favorite book is too long, just cut out the excess pages and chapters. You only need the first, middle and last chapters anyway. Or, for those who don’t own scissors (and for library books—I guarantee those people won’t ever see it your way), you can simply skip ahead and read the last chapter only.

If it is too repetitive, intimidating, mediocre, or just plain bad (remember you don’t have to justify why it’s boring to anybody!), either skip chapters or toss it out. Life is simply too short.

Non-fiction:

I usually start nonfiction books in the middle. Yep, just open up it to a random page and start reading. It doesn’t matter if the material is out of context, or if the author would have preferred that you read the other chapter first (did you really think they wrote it for you anyway?). It’s more interesting this way. Even books of essays are more fun this way.

And no, I don’t then go back and start from the beginning. Just keep opening it to random places, when one part gets boring I go to another part, etc, until I read all of it or get fed up. Don’t worry, you will remember what you’ve read before, in case one part becomes another part you previously read.

This method erases all the tedium of introductions (that can sometimes be as long as the book itself), acknowledgements, copyright laws, etc. And I don’t feel a bit of guilt about it either. It’s my life, after all, no one from the library will know, and after purchasing the book it becomes toilet paper for all they care. Just be bad.

Remember also that the author is not your mother (Unless, of course, she is). Especially for self-help or health books, just take what you can use, what appeals to you, or what applies to your situation and discard the rest. Everyone is different, but books are very general.

For both Fiction and Non:

There is no law that says you cannot read more than one book at one time. This should be obvious, but sometimes it isn’t.

You should have noticed that almost all of my above points can be applied to writing as well as reading—even “start in the middle” and “skip chapters.” I use all of them in my writing, including the one about having multiple books at one time.  Even “only take what you want” is a good one, as I don’t waste time on writing scenes I can’t stand, even if they would contribute something to the plot. It lowers the quality of my other scenes, and how can I really do it if my heart’s not in it?

So there you have it—a double how-to article. Be sure to save this for future reference.